i don’t wanna wait…for our lives to be over

Posted on September 3, 2009


*cue Dawson’s Creek music*

((i don’t really know why i put that as the title, btw – i think it’s because as i reread my post it’s what popped into my head and i don’t know…i thought it fit?))

if i could accurately describe just how tired i am right now, i would probably try to be one of those artsy people who make sentences mean something just by how they are worded or something like that & totally leave you guys hanging mid-thought. because that’s how tired i am. mid-thought thinking. try that one on for size.

or, you could (and probably already have) notice my incredible lack of capitalization & just chalk it up to i am just too tired to punch that extra key on the keyboard to make my sentences grammatically correct. so there.

i stepped outside of myself this past week. last thursday i set a goal to work on my writing every night for at least 3o minutes. and even though i didn’t necessarily meet that goal, i did meet the goal of submitting a piece for publication. you can see the beginning of it here. i actually started this…well…hopefully it will be a novel eventually but for now it’s a short story…about two years ago. it was during nanowrimo & i had just been inspired during one of my graduate classes because of a phrase i heard. i even started writing it down in my notebook so i wouldn’t forget. i went home that night & grabbed our laptop & busted out 1500 words.

they sat there…unedited and untouched for another year.

then i added another 500.

and waited another six months.

so anyways, this past week, i wanted so badly to just say “eh. forget it. it’s not like i’m facing the gustapo or anything…and it’s not like i would actually get published or something…”

but i didn’t.

because i reread what i had and i knew i had something good forming & what’s life without risks & all that jazz & well…who doesn’t love the chance of winning? besides, i set another goal for myself for publishing five articles within the year, so i thought i might as well get a jump start.

that’s what God has been showing me lately.

don’t be lazy. don’t be wasteful of my gifts to you. use them. bring me glory through them.

i thought back on my life, and normally, those moments where i give in to the laziness? those days where i just thumb my nose at the world and snuggle deeper into the covers of my disdain? yeah. those are the days i forget his promises & forego my former commitments. those are the days my “diets” die or my writing ceases to exist or my exercise regimen goes out the window.

i don’t want to be wasteful of the gifts he has given me.

i don’t want to be wasteful of my life.

so that’s where i am at. exhausted. my AP students have scrambled my brain & eaten it for breakfast – which results in mumbled phrases after 7 PM – so i know i’m probably not making much sense. but the fact is, i’ve been pretty humbled this past week in just how lazy i can be sometimes. and, i’ve found huge blessings in the energy God has given me these first few weeks of school in order for me to get the ball rolling for my students. i pray it lasts (please, God.)

oh – sidenote: i lost another 1% of my body weight. that makes 3% gone since i started this whole thing. huzzah!

okay. now i’m done. and my eyes are drooping and it’s only 8 PM which makes me feel like a granny but i don’t really care. so goodnight.

Goals for this week:

  • Spend time in the Word every day.
  • Drink 3 liters of water a day
  • Spend at least 30 minutes of each evening writing….somewhere.
  • Finish my books I am reading so I can start on the book I will read with one of my students
  • Lose another 1% of my current body weight.
  • Get at least seven hours of sleep a night
Posted in: Skinny Me