Hearing His Heartbeat

Posted on September 29, 2009

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I wrote this about seven months ago – before Russ & I realized we were moving to Austin. Before we even knew Russ was going to attend culinary school. I found this entry this morning & just needed to remember – I’ve been so busy I think I have forgotten what His heartbeat sounds like. May we all draw near to Him today. He’s our only portion.

-E

Stop long enough to hear the heartbeat of God…

I heard this phrase a couple months ago and I haven’t been able to shake it. Perhaps because it’s a reminder of me to well, stop. The other night, I was feeling kinda low and kinda down on myself, and so I pulled out my journal and read some entries I wrote this past summer. One centered around Isaiah 55 – one of my favorite chapters of the Bible – and my eyes fell to this verse:

Come to me with your ears wide open. Listen, and you will find life. I will make an everlasting covenant with you. I will give you all the unfailing love I promised to David. (vs. 3)

I thought back to when this verse had such a profound impact on my life. When I specifically heard Christ say to just stop and pay attention to what He is wanting from me.

You see, I think we as Christ followers get so caught up in getting things done – finding the next big accomplishment so we can check the brightest and prettiest box. Our lives get so mundane and boring and predictable, Christ is forgotten within His own people. Who has time to stop and listen when you have meetings at church and ministry in the afternoon and small group at six – it can get suffocating.

Stop long enough to hear the heartbeat of God…

I would imagine it would be pretty difficult to get this still. When was the last time you heard someone’s heartbeat? Our inability for intimacy often causes us to hold people at arm’s length, and in turn, this effects our relationship with our Lover. In order to hear His heartbeat we must be intimate. In order to be intimate, we must be willing to stop.

I want this. I want to be so close to my Creator His heartbeat drums in my ear. I can’t move but feel His breath on my cheek; I can’t speak but feel His presence near.

But I have so far to go.

So, I do the only thing I know. I stop. I listen. I dwell in His presence until I feel Him all around me and the only thing I can do is tearfully acknowledge my microscopic worth compared to His stunning and infinite glory. Am I human? Yes. Can He move through me? I hope so.

The journal entry that sparked this reflection was about stories. This summer I felt an unquenchable pull to tell the stories of those less fortunate. To blow the whistle, so to speak, on injustices I see. It’s difficult to look back and see inadequacies in your calling – where you have failed and where you have missed the mark. At the same time, it’s amazing to continue to see the tapestry of your life coming together. There have been innumerable instances these past few months where I have come across the concept of “story.” Whether it be an article someone e-mails to me or a book I happen to pick up and read or a quote on a teacher’s wall or a website I come across – everything has been about this concept of “story” and the importance of sharing one’s with the world.

So I press on, knowing my refining is far from over. My ragged edges still need some sanding down. But, I’m ready. I sense a change coming – a chapter of my life closing and a new one beginning. I’m not sure precisely what God has in store for Russ and myself, but this state of limbo has been oddly exhilarating. Perhaps because we know we aren’t moving until we hear “GO.” Until then, I’ll continue listening for whatever story He wants me to tell.

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Posted in: Faith, Prayer, Story